Christmas Jokes

Christmas Jokes

 

Q: What’s the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A: A list of everything you want!

Q: How do you know when Santa’s in the room?
A: You can sense his presents!

Q: How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A: Nothing, it was on the house!

Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: Because it  soots  him!

Q: What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?
A: “Looks like rain, dear!”

Q: What’s red and white, red and white, red and white?
A: Santa Claus rolling down the hill!

Q: Why did Santa Claus take his Christmas tree to the dentist?

A: To get a root canal!

Q: Who did a young Santa Claus take to the Christmas Musical?
A: Carol!

Q: What’s white, red and blue at Christmas time?
A: A sad candy cane!

Q: Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?

A: Because every buck is dear to him!

Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Snowflakes!

Q: How does an environmentalist household keep Christmas politically correct?
A: On Christmas morning, they give the presents TO the Christmas tree!

Q: Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor on Christmas day?

A: He was feeling crummy!

Q: Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet of handkerchiefs for Christmas?

A: She said “I could not work out what size her nose was!”

Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit!

Q: Did you hear that one of Santa’s reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel?
A: Its true . . . Comet cleans sinks!

Q: What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?
A: Pour Santa flush on him!

Q: Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A: He wanted to sleep like a log!

Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
A: Crisp Cringle!

Q: What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?

A: It was wound up already!

Q: Why does Santa wear pink underwear?

A: He’s a man. He did all his laundry in the one load!

Q: Why does Santa’s sled get such good mileage?

A: Because it has long-distance runners on each side!

Q: Why is the month of December so popular?

A: It has a lot of dates!

Q: Why is it so cold on Christmas?

A: Because it’s in Decembrrrrrrrrrr!

Q: What do you call Santa’s Helpers?

A: Subordinate Clauses!

Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A: Claustrophobic!

Q: If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
A: A Santa Claus Jr!

Q: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
A: Okay everyone, sack time!!

Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?
A: Sandy Claus!

Q: What kind of bird writes on all of Santa’s presents?
A: A PENguin!

Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter ?
A: Because it’s to far to walk!

Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A: Ribbon hood!

Q: Where do polar bears have Christmas?
A: The North Pole.

Q: Where do polar bears vote?
A: The North Poll!

Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A: So he can ho-ho-ho!

Q: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem!

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite!

Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The Elf-abet!

Q: What did the ghost say to Santa Claus on Christmas?
A: We’ll have you seen the Christmas spirit today!

Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
A: Santa caught in a revolving door!

Q: How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer “Olive” ?
A: Yeah, you know, “Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names”

Q: What’s a good Christmas holiday tip?
A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter!

Q: Why did Santa’s popularity drop after the Christmas holidays?
A: Because everything was marked down!

Q: What two countries should the chef use when he’s making Christmas dinner?
A: Turkey and Greece!

Q: What did the monkey sing on Christmas day?
A: Jungle bells, Jungle bells…

Q: What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
A: Nothing, reindeer can’t talk!

Q: What did Santa say when he goes down a chimney with a fire at the bottom?
A: Cool a firery entrance!

Q: What is the cleanest reindeer called?
A: Comet!

Q: What is big, red and flies in the sky?
A: Santa Clause!

Q: Why are there only snowmen and not snowwomen?
A: Because only men are the only ones silly enough to stand out in the snow without a coat!

Q: What’s Santa’s favourite candy?
A: Jolly Ranchers!

Q: What do you call a girl with a Christmas Tree on her head?
A: Carol!

Q: Why is Santa so good at karate?
A: Because he has a black belt!

Q: What did the hunger snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
A: An ice burger with chilli sauce!

Q: Who gives presents to baby sharks?
A: Santa Jaws!

Q: Did you hear about the cracker’s Christmas party?
A: It was a big BANG!

Q: What do you get if you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?
A: Pineapple!

Q: What did the farm cow get for Christmas?
A: Holly!

Q: Why did Frosty the snowman have a carrot in his nose?
A: Because he forgot where the refrigerator was!

Q: What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?
A: “Aren’t you tired of hanging around?”

Q: What’s black and white and red all over?
A: Santa covered with chimney soot!

Q: Why did the candy cane cross the road?
A: Well it was stuck to some kids shoe!

Q: What Christmas carol is a favourite of parents?
A: Silent Night!

Q: What do you call a Santa that sleeps all the time?
A: Santa snores!

Q: What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A: A cookie sheet!

Q: What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?
A: Santa’s burps!

Q: What do snowmen do on Christmas?
A: Play with the snow angels!

Q: How do the daddy snowman scare his little son into being good this Christmas?
A: You’ll get you a hairdryer!

Q: Where does a snowman keep his money?
A: In a snow bank!

Q: What do call Santa when he stops moving?
A: Santa Pause!

Q: How long should a reindeer’s legs be?
A: Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q: What’s white and goes up?
A: A confused snowflake!

Q: Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
A: Because of all the wrapping!

Q: What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A: A puddle!

Q: What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A: A broken drum, you cant beat it!

Q: Which elf was the best singer?
A: ELFis Presley!

Q: What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?
A: Tinsilitis!

Q: What is green, white, and red all over?
A: A sunburnt elf!

Q: What says, “Now you see me, now you don’t, now you see me, now you don’t?”
A: A snowman on a cross walk!

Q: Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?
A: They are always dropping their needles!

Q: What goes in a chimney red and comes out of it black?
A: Santa Claus!

Q: What do sea creatures sing under the ocean during the winter?
A: Christmas Corals!

Q: What’s white and red and goes up and down and up and down?
A: Santa Claus in an elevator!