Top 10 Christmas Elf Jokes

Top 10Christmas Elf Jokes

Funny Elf Jokes For The Christmas Holidays

Q: What did the dying elf say?
A: I only have a little time elft!

Q: Santa rides in a sleigh. What do elves ride in?
A: Mini vans!

Q: How do elves greet each other?
A: “Small world, isn’t it?”

Q: What do many elves die of?
A: Small pox!

Q: What do elves sing to Santa?
A: For Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow!

Q: Why the turkey was asked to join the band by elves?
A: Because he had the drum sticks!

Q: What nerve is used to sense elves?
A: The Elfactory Nerve!

Q: Why does Santa owe everything to the elves?
A: Because he is an elf-made man!

Q: Why don’t elves read long books?
A: They like short stories better!

Q: What’s another name for Santa’s helpers?
A: Subordinate clauses!

 

Christmas Jokes – How long should legs be?

Christmas Jokes – How long should legs be?

Lame But Funny Christmas Jokes

Q: How long should a reindeer’s legs be?
A: Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q: How long should an elf’s legs be?
A: Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q: How long should Santa’s legs be?
A: Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q: How long should a snowman’s legs be?
A: Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q: How long should Rudolph’s legs be?
A: Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q: How long should MRS.Claus’s legs be?
A: Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q: How long should Santa’s helper legs be?
A: Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q: How long should Prancer’s legs be?
A: Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q: How long should Donner’s legs be?
A: Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q: How long should your legs be?
A: Just long enough to reach the ground!

Present Jokes For Christmas

Present Jokes For Christmas

Funny Christmas Present Jokes 

One

Mummy, here’s your Christmas present. A box of your favorite chocolates.
Thanks, but the box is half empty.
Well, they’re my favorite chocolates too.

Two

That train set looks fantastic. I’ll take one.
I’m sure your son will love it, Sir!
(With a big sigh) Oh, yes….. I suppose he would. You’d better give me two, then.

Three

Do you have a pink car for my daughter?
Sorry, Sir, we’re all sold out. It seems everyone in the country has bought a pink car this week.
You realise what this means?
Yes, sir. That pink cars are popular this Christmas!

Four

Hi! I’m looking for a nice present for the wife this Christmas?
Well would you like a ring or a necklace or maybe a watch?
Actually she wanted something with diamonds but I only have two dollars.
Well then. I think a pack of play cards will be your best bet!

Five

I’d like a new magaician’s set for my son.
Is he a beginner?
No! He’s been practising the sawing-people-in-half trick for years.
Is he an only child?
No, No! He has a lot of half-brothers and sisters, now!

Six

Darling, you know that shockproof, waterproof, anti-magnetic, un-breakable watch you bought me?
Yes, honey.
Well, it caught fire the other day.
Good grief honey, Are you all right?
Yes I’m Fine and the watch is all right, too. I threw it in the river to put it out.
It cost soo much to throw away.
It’s alright. I fished the watch out of the river and it’s still running.
The watch is still running?
No. The river, Darling!

 

 

Kids Christmas Jokes

Kids Christmas Jokes

 

Q: Why is Santa so good at judo?
A: Because he has a black belt!

Q: What does Santa clean his sleigh with?
A: Comet!

Q: Name the child’s favorite Christmas king?
A: A stocking!

Q: How long should a reindeer’s legs be?
A: Just long enough to reach the ground!

Q: What’s the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A: A list of everything you want!

Q: What’s Santa’s favourite candy?
A: Jolly Ranchers!

Q: Why do Mummies like Christmas so much?
A: Because of all the wrapping!

Q: What’s white and goes up?
A: A confused snowflake!

Q: How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
A: Nothing, it was on the house!

Q: What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A: Uncool!

Q: What Christmas carol is a favourite of parents?
A: Silent Night!

Q: What did the monkey sing on Christmas day?
A: Jungle bells, Jungle bells…

Q: Why can’t the Christmas tree stand up?
A: It doesn’t have legs!

Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Frosted Flakes..

Q: What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A: A broken drum, you cant beat it!

Q: Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A: Because he wanted to sleep like a log!

 

10 Christmas Jokes

10 Christmas Jokes

 

Q: How do you get to the dentist on Christmas?
A: Take the Molar Express!!

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite!

Q: Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet of handkerchiefs for Christmas?
A: She said “I could not work out what size her nose was!”

Q: What did Santa give a train driver for Christmas?
A: Platform shoes!

Q: What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A: A pineapple!

Q: Why was the boy covered in gift wrap?
A: Because his mama told him to “live in the present”!

Q: What does Santa eat and drink?
A: Ho ho ho hot milk and co co cookies!

Q: What is the army’s favourite plant?
A: Missile-toe!

Q: How long does it take to burn a candle down?
A: About a wick!

Q: What is Santa Claus real job?
A: A NSA intelligence officer. That’s how he knows who has been naughty or nice!